It was never about going to see the world outside of myself, it was about stripping myself down to see what the foundation is, this is why I left to travel:

“All that was futile. I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint, neither I nor anyone else.  All of that was incidental.  Each man had only one genuine vocation-to find the way to himself.  He might end up as a poet, painter, or madman, as a prophet or criminal – that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern.  His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself.  Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one’s own inwardness.  The new vision rose up before me, glimpsed a hundred times, possibly even expressed before but now experienced for the first time by me.  I was an experiment on the part of Nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task was to allow this game on the part of primeval depths to take its course, to feel its will within me and make it wholly mine. That or nothing!”

-Hermann Hess

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